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Life Update

Probably prompted by that XKCD comic...

I got my BiPAP machine a little over a week ago, and it may be helping? I criticized my friend who got a CPAP machine but never uses it, but now that I have my own, I have to admit it's annoying. It makes sleeping no longer fun, which makes me sink a little. But I do seem to be improving at least a bit! I feel drowsy LESS OFTEN during the day, like while I'm driving. I may be more awake and alert. Today is the first time in a while I woke up feeling kind of well-rested.

Getting used to it took some work, though. After 7 days with it, I apparently would wake up in the middle of the night, take the mask off, then go back to sleep. Sometimes I didn't even remember it, and when I did, it was in some half-asleep haze where it somehow seemed like a good idea. Like it was part of an RPG quest or something. Eventually I came up with the solution of using the "ramp" button, which is what you can press at the start of your sleep so the pressure starts low and slowly increases while you sleep. Guess there's no rule against using it again in the middle of the night.

That said, I don't think I've had a single night where I'm asleep the whole way through, from the time I go to bed to the time I get up and start moving around. But to be fair, that wasn't happening before either... I just wouldn't remember all the times my sleep got interrupted by my apnea. I guess I just have to slowly get better until I approach something closer to normal.


Still no luck with jobs, not even getting paid for that temp work I did weeks (months?) ago. I'm trying to expand my search to include the West coast, since I would really love to move back there someday, and I may have friends who can help me transition over there. But I'm still doing my usual searches for here in the DC area...

I'm not sure what else to do. I really want to get out of here... Not like things are bad or unbearable here, but I feel like some things are really sapping my mental/emotional strength sometimes. While trying to work on my own problems, I'm faced with others' problems that I cannot help with, but I have the joy of sharing in the stress all the same. I have trouble dealing with too much negativity, even if it may be meant in jest. I guess I feel like I'm trying to carefully funnel my problems into a bottle while others around me are spraying them out a hose not caring who gets soaked.

Still... Although there are rough patches, things overall may be slowly improving. Once I get a real job again, things will start falling back into place.

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